Fears and Lovers
by Silvandar
Summary: Hitsugaya's check-up does not end as planned... *oneshot* SHOTA HETRO SMUT


The hospital room didn't _look _like a jail cell, but any attempt to leave would cost Hitsugaya dearly. He had learned that in his stay with the 4th after his injury at the hands of Aizen. OK, he had nearly died, but he didn't feel that warranted being _smiled _at by Unohana when he had been caught trying to sneak out for some fresh air...

His thoughts were interrupted by the door sliding open, and the motherly Captain of the 4th division breezed in. She was immaculate as always, composed and faintly smiling. Hitsugaya wondered what would happen to Soul Society if she ever actually frowned. Probably Aizen would be a day at the park in comparison.

"Good morning, Captain Hitsugaya. How are you feeling today?" She smiled at him, and he winced slightly. He had been dragged in by Isane, on the basis that he had evaded his check-ups for 3 weeks. Isane had warned him that Unohana was not happy with him...

"I'm feeling very well, thank you. Your healers have done a won.."

"Goooooood to hear that, Shiro kun. I would hate to think you have been disobeying my medical advice _and _feeling unwell" she interrupted him, smiling gently.

He gulped and stared at her in terror. She was really, really mad with him... he flinched as she stepped forward and gripped his wrist. She tutted at him and started doing a blood pressure check.

"Honestly Captain, I would have expected you to have the good sense to pay attention to my advise" she said, twisting his arm over to take a blood sample. "After all, Hinamori and Matsumoto were so very worried about you, in here every day to check on you... many of your squad were also here, desperate for you to recover... and then to my surprise you were sneaking off before being fully healed, and missing your check-ups as if you didn't care at _all _for their precious feelings... as if they didn't matter to you at all..."

Hitsugaya felt like she was raining blows on him, even though she was being gentle and soft spoken. He had known she had a reputation for being scary, but this was too much...

"I... I'm really sorry... I... just wanted to get back to normal. I didn't think..."

"No, you didn't did you?" Unohana smiled at him, making him scuttle backwards on the bed in fright. "Well, I hope you have learned your lesson and will take your health a little bit more seriously now?" She leaned over the bed, looming over him like a praying mantis. "I won't expect any silly behaviours from you tonight?"

"No... no Ma'am!" he stammered, banging his head on the wall in an effort to get away from her. "I'll be good!"

Unohana smiled at him and patted his head, making him cower even more. "I know you will, Shiro kun. You are such a good boy."

Hitsugaya was too scared to be angry at being treated like a child, all he could manage was rapid nodding as Unohana gave him one last smile and swished out of the room.

...

He woke at around 3am, with his habitual scream. The room was faintly lit from the lamps outside and the shadows around him seemed to crawl as he sat bolt upright in bed, clutching his shoulder. Sweat poured from his skin, soaking his sheets and making his eyes sting.

"Just a nightmare... its just a nightmare" he hissed to himself, and as usual the words didn't calm him, didn't make the memories of agony and darkness go away. He scrubbed his hands through his hair as if trying to shake the dream away.

The door opened silently and Unohana stepped into the room, placing her lantern on the floor where it cast an eerie glow in the room. Her hair was loose and she was wearing a simple silk kimono instead of her work uniform and haori. She crossed to the bed and sat next to him, then reached for his forehead.

"A nightmare?"

"...yes"

"What was it?"

"I don't remember..." he lied, gritting his teeth.

Unohana eyed him, then said "the only way to get rid of nightmares is to talk about them. Did you know that?"

Hitsugaya turned his head away, his body stiff and defensive. Unohana sighed and gently tilted his face back towards her, watching his eyes widen.

"What did you dream, Shiro?" she asked, smiling faintly at him. He gulped and lowered his eyes to hide the tears still burning in them.

"I dreamed... I dreamed about getting... hurt. But it wasn't that... it was dark, there was no light, and... there was so much pain..." his voice shook desperately, not rising above a whisper. Unohana's eyes filled with sympathy and she stroked his hair gently, watching huge tears falling unnoticed from his eyes.

"Its normal to feel like this Shiro. You nearly died. Its OK to be afraid and to hurt, long after the injuries have healed."

"I'm a captain..."

"You are human. First and foremost. Humans are designed to fear pain and death, its a survival instinct. As a warrior you fear it less than most, but it's still there."

Hitsugaya shook his head and impulsively Unohana put her arms around him and pulled him tightly to her. His eyes widened, then after a moment they closed and he accepted the embrace, resting his cheek on her shoulder. They sat like that for long minutes, listening to each other's heartbeats and feeling the fear leaving the room, to be replaced by comfort.

After a while, Hitsugaya spoke. He felt like his voice was coming from miles away, but he needed to say the words. "I hate feeling like this... so weak, so... so young..." He drew a sharp, angry breath and clenched his fingers on Unohana's kimono as she held him. "Everything I ever worked for... it feels like I've lost it all..."

"Ssssh... you have lost nothing, Shiro kun. You are the same brilliant, strong man I have always known. Nothing has changed."

"Pfff... man... noone in Soul Society calls me that with a straight face. And I am proving you all right with these... childish nightmares..."

"You are wrong" she said, pulling back a little to look at him. His huge eyes were narrowed and defiant, and he would not meet her gaze. She stared at him for a moment, picking her words carefully, then tilted his chin with her fingertips.

"You are one of the youngest captains in history, but that doesn't mean you are a child. You left that behind you a long time ago. I have not seen you as a child since you became a seated officer. And anyone who does view you in that way does so only out of envy. Many shinigami hundreds of years old are less mature, and a lot less powerful than you!"

Hitsugaya flushed at her words, his gaze slipping sideways to escape the fire in her eyes. He bit his underlip, not trusting himself to speak without offending her, and she pulled his face back to her again.

"What is it you want to say to me, Shiro kun?" she asked, watching the emotions playing on his face.

"I... you... why would you say that?" he whispered. "How can you really believe that? Look at me, for gods sake..."

"I have looked at you. I know what I see."

He shook his head defiantly and she gripped his jaw firmly. "Don't be so stubborn, Toshiro" she whispered. She looked into deep pools of green and saw pain looking back at her. She knew only the need to wipe that pain away, the only way she could.

Sighing softly, she pulled him to her, wrapping her arms around his waist and sinking her fingers into his hair. His eyes widened as she kissed him and he froze in shock. He tried to pull away... no, in his mind he saw himself pulling away and fleeing, yanking the door open to freedom... and he realised that he had closed his eyes, slipped his arms around her and lost himself in the taste of her lips, the gentle press of her body against him.

Unohana smiled as she felt him respond to her, ignoring the angry voice in the back of her head that was screaming about professionalism and clinical distance from patients. She focused instead on the wounded young man in her arms, looking for the moment when she could safely disengage and preserve this moment for him. She hoped she had done enough to restore in him the confidence he had lost...

Her thought process derailed abruptly as Hitsugaya deepened the kiss without warning and pressed tightly against her. She opened her eyes and pulled away, and he met her gaze steadily for a long moment before pulling her back to him...

She closed her eyes as she fell into the kiss and shivered. She tried to remember that he was a patient, that he was a captain, that this was unforgivable... all she could remember was that the last time anyone had kissed her had been over 600 years ago. All she knew was that his kiss made her feel like a woman for the first time in forever...

Hitsugaya sank his fingers into her mane of hair and sighed softly, letting his mind switch off and his instincts take over. The kiss had been the last thing he had expected, but his body had been more than happy to respond to it. He had nearly no experience in this area, but the desires she was causing in him were ancient and needed no words or labels.

They moved together, sliding down onto the bed without breaking their kiss. He leaned into her, playing gently fingers over her shoulders and arms and stroking her hair. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him down onto her, needing to feel his strength and desire. Her kimono slid away with a whisper, his robe joining it on the floor silently as their lust rose for each other, for comfort, for being wanted.

She was beautiful to him, a dark haired goddess with endless brown eyes and pearlescent skin, and he worshipped her with his body, with his breath, with everything he had. She guided him when he was unsure, leading him and taking away his fear, and he went to her gladly.

They loved each other in those hours, touching and tasting, exploring and teasing. Nothing was held back, no falseness between them. As the dawn began to creep through the blinds, they held each other and whispered secrets, sharing their last, sweet kisses.

Finally, she rose from their bed and dressed, putting up fragile barriers. He watched her with eyes reluctant to loose their lust, knowing he would want her again, not knowing if she would ever return to him. She turned to speak and their eyes met, brown on bright green, and they saw their desires reflected at each other.

She smiled at him and he rose from the bed to kiss her, sealing the bond between them. She whispered his name as she left the room, a soft, certain promise of the warmth they both knew they would endlessly crave. He watched her go, and carefully hid a piece of her safe in his heart.


End file.
